LET THEM AND FIND PEACE IN YOUR OWN PATH

The Suffocating Feelings -
Photo by Yan Krukau: https://www.pexels.com

Have you ever woken up in the middle of the night, haunted by thoughts that just wouldn’t let you rest? That was me a few nights ago. Something was bothering me, something that had been lingering in my heart for the past week. No matter how much I tried to shake it off, it kept resurfacing, demanding my attention.

When I traced back to the root of my discomfort, I found the source. The memories played fresh in my mind, as if they had just happened yesterday (even though, in reality, they were from years ago). And the trigger? A recent conversation with a friend who saw me as misguided and attempted to “bring me back” to what she believed was the right path.

I regretted engaging in that conversation. I could have stayed silent or changed the topic, but instead, I challenged her viewpoint. I wanted her to realize that we were no longer on the same journey, so she would respect me and let me walk my path. But just as I had experienced before, her reaction was predictable; seeing me as lost, believing I had strayed, and feeling the need to correct my course. It was a pattern I had already endured with three other friends long time ago. And this time, I was exhausted.

So, here’s the story.

Many years ago, I was deeply involved in a community throughout my college years. I wasn’t just a passive participant; I was an active member, even holding a leadership role. But somewhere along the way, I realized it wasn’t my path coz I felt like the more I learned, the more I questioned; and the deeper I got involved, the further I was. Day by day my eyes were opened. I knew that it didn’t resonate with me. In fact, I felt lost within it. So, I made the difficult decision to leave.

I thought that was the end of it. But I was wrong.

Also read: Let Them, Let Me, and Let God: Finding Peace in Conflict

When I finally left, some of them looked me with cynical eyes, while others treated me as a stranger or maybe even invisible when we crossed paths, but that didn’t bother me. As a matter of fact, it actually reinforced my decision. But what did disturb me was how my closest friends, who had been friends years before we joined that community, persisted in trying to bring me back.

What once were warm, intimate friendships turned into exhausting debates where they focused on proving me wrong. And it didn’t stop there. Messages kept coming with all long quotes trying to show me that I was wrong, that I was lost, and how I should come back to them.

What's worse was when one of them sent gifts to my parents’ house. Yes, you heard it right, to my parents' house who lived miles away from me. And it was not just any gifts, but gifts with the logo of their organization. What is it now? Marketing strategy? So, it was never about friendship since the beginning? I couldn't be more lost.

The pressure grew stronger and at some point it felt like a terror for me. I felt like being treated as a project rather than a person by my own best friend(s). And that’s where the frustration began.

***

It's been many years now and that similar situation happened again. Even though it's coming from a different friend who lives in a different city, it came from the same source. I could already smell the familiar pattern as soon as she was trying to invite our circle to her activities.

After trying to play dumb (and failed), I found myself reacting with the same frustration that I decided to disengaged from the conversation. I was so tired facing that same cycle again.

So, I paused and reflected.

Then, I figured: my frustration wasn’t just about them trying to bring me back. It was about something more profound: my fundamental human need to be heard and understood had been disregarded. I wasn’t given the space to express my truth. I was only expected to listen and comply that I was wrong and the "only right way" is their way.

And as they persisted, I resisted.

My body, recognizing this as a threat, developed a defense mechanism. Over time, the mere thought of that experience sent alarms ringing within me.

That night, I finally understood. This was more than a memory, it was a trauma response. My nervous system had been conditioned to react with resistance, fear, and frustration whenever I felt that same pressure to conform. And now, with this new awareness, I realized something powerful: this resurfacing memory wasn’t here to torment me. It was here to help me heal.

So, I did something different. Instead of pushing it away, I sat with it. I acknowledged the younger version of myself, the one who had felt unheard, pressured, and exhausted. I embraced her. I poured love into her. I reassured her that we were safe now.

And just like that, a weight lifted off my shoulders. I felt lighter. I felt at peace.

Also read: Radical Acceptance: The Art of Transforming Your Life

As I rested in God’s love that night, I thanked Him for waking me up, not just physically, but spiritually. He unveiled the root of my pain and guided me toward healing. And now, I choose to apply Mel Robbins’ “Let Them Theory.” If they want to see me as lost, let them. If they think I’ve gone astray, let them. If they believe I need saving, let them.

And in turn, I will let myself choose my own path. I will let myself love who I have become. I will let God be my guide.

I was once there, I know that journey well. But I also know it wasn’t for me. And if their path works for them, I respect that. But I now give myself full permission to walk my own way, with peace in my heart.

So, to anyone who has ever felt misunderstood, pressured, or judged for making choices that align with their soul, know this: Your path is yours to walk. No one else has to understand it. Your peace and fulfillment are what matter most.

And if they don’t understand?

Let them.