MORE THAN WORDS - THE UNSPOKEN LOVE

I love you -
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Folks, what is Valentine’s Day to you? Is it something special, a day you eagerly anticipate? Or is it just another date on the calendar, something that holds little meaning in your daily life? Do you celebrate love in grand gestures, or do you find meaning in quieter, more personal ways?

As for me, there’s something about February that carries a certain warmth, an almost tangible energy of love filling the air. Just as December is wrapped in the spirit of Christmas, bringing families together with joy and laughter, February has its own way of making hearts a little softer, gestures a little kinder, and love a little more intentional.

I won’t pretend that I didn’t love the attention, the thoughtful gestures, and of course, the chocolates that came with Valentine’s Day. There was something special about receiving small tokens of appreciation, reminders that I was seen and loved. But in the spirit of the month of love, back at work (many years ago), an idea just poured in that I wanted to do more to not just receive love, but to share it.

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I remember at the time, I was in a mall, looking at a cute little stall selling so many beautifully wrapped chocolates. Then, that feeling just rushed in: the feeling of warmth inside my heart and the feeling of gratitude. So, I decided to spread that warmth beyond myself. I bought those chocolates, lots of them, and handed them out to everyone at work; my boss, my colleagues, the staff, even the janitors and security officers who often went unnoticed. 

Along with each chocolate, I personally wrote a small thank-you note, letting them know how much I appreciated them. It wasn’t grand, but it was my way of saying, ‘I see you, I value you, and I’m grateful for all that you do which allows me to perform my work at my best.’ 

The way their faces lit up, the surprise and joy in their eyes, made me realize that love, even in its simplest form, has the power to brighten someone’s day. I felt even more thankful (and whispered it to myself) to have made that decision. That was the exact definition of love in the air. Everywhere I breathe at work, I breathe the air of love.

As I am writing this now, I just realize just how quiet Valentine’s Day has become. And what’s even stranger is that I don’t even remember when it started to fade into just another day on the calendar. 

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I know not everyone marks Valentine’s Day as something significant, and truthfully, I never thought much of it either. But looking back, I can still feel the warmth of the love we shared at work, the small yet meaningful ways we celebrated one another. And I find myself missing that vibrant love, the kind that came from simply caring for those around us.

Now, as I am basking into this reality, I realize something. Back then, I was in an environment where people found comfort in expressing their feelings, even in the smallest gestures. I remember the times our boss would buy us ice cream to lift our spirits when we were working late on a project. Or the mornings when I’d find a single peppermint tea bag that I loved stuck to my office door with a little note from a coworker. And I, too, had my ways of passing love forward by slipping encouraging notes into my colleagues’ files after reviewing them, just to remind them that their efforts were seen and appreciated. It was these little moments, these thoughtful gestures, that made love feel so present and alive.

This realization makes me reflect on my own love language, which, as it turns out, includes words of affirmation. To be honest, before today, I never consciously thought of it as my love language, but now, I see it clearly. There is something about hearing words of appreciation and encouragement that feels like a confirmation, a validation that I am loved and worthy of love.

But then, it got me thinking, how is it that we never say these magic words in my family? No, we never say ‘I love you’ to one another. And that means I have never told my mother, my only living parent, that I love her.

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The weight of those three simple words feels heavier than I can explain and I never even knew that. That makes me wonder… have you ever felt this way? The deep, undeniable love for someone so dear, yet unable to bring yourself to say it out loud? 

I remember scrolling past a clip from Mel Robbins’ podcast where Dr. Wendy Suzuki recounted the first time she told her father she loved him. I avoided listening to it and quickly just scrolled up to let it pass because I knew it would stir something inside me, something I wasn’t ready to face. Because, like Dr. Wendy, I understand all too well what it means to grow up in a culture where love is not spoken but shown, often in ways so subtle they could be mistaken for indifference.

Listening to some jokes about love language in most Asian families, I bitterly laughed as I could totally relate to the story. Just like them, love in my family is not said, it is served. It is in the way my mother insists that I take leftovers home, even when I tell her I have enough food. It is in the way she complains that I don’t visit often enough, not because she wants to guilt me, but because she misses me. It is in the way she scolds me for staying out too late, for working too hard, for forgetting to bring an umbrella when it rains. 

To someone unfamiliar with our language of love, these might seem like nagging or overbearing habits. But I believe they are the unspoken 'I love yous' of a mother who has never been taught to say it with words.

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I think back to the times when I longed to hear those words from her, to receive the kind of affection I saw in movies: warm embraces, heartfelt confessions of love, tender reassurances. But that was never our way. Our love has always been practical, woven into the daily rhythms of care and concern. And yet, even knowing this, there is a part of me that wonders, what would it feel like to say it? To break through years of silence and let the words spill into the space between us? Would it change anything? Would it make her uncomfortable? Or would she simply nod and continue showing her love in the ways she knows best, which is by peeling fruit for me without a word, by making sure I never leave her home empty-handed?

I guess love, in its many forms, is not always easy to recognize, especially when expressed in ways that do not align with our own love languages. But just because it is not spoken does not mean it is absent. Sometimes, love is found in the simple acts of service or in the unwavering presence of those who care for us in ways we may not always understand.

In the end, just like what people say, love is a verb, which means it is about actions. That’s why maybe love isn’t always meant to be spoken. Maybe it exists in the unspoken gestures we too often overlook. Maybe love is in the way I devour every meal my mom cooks, in the way I tell her how good it tastes, in the way I carefully pack up the food she has lovingly prepared for me. Maybe love is simply in the way we continue to show up for each other, day after day.

This Valentine’s Day really makes me think about love in all its forms, not just romance, but the everyday, unspoken love we give and receive. While the world celebrates with flowers and chocolates, I find myself reflecting on the quiet ways love has been shown to me all my life. The way my mother wordlessly pushes a bowl of freshly cut fruit in front of me, the way she packs extra food for me to take home, the way she calls to remind me to rest. It is love, even if it’s not wrapped in the words I long to hear.

What about you? How do you express love in ways beyond words? Have you ever struggled to say “I love you” to someone who means the world to you? Have you found other ways to express it? I’d love to hear your stories because love, whether spoken or unspoken, is what connects us all.