DON'T RUSH INTO NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS—DO THIS FIRST

 

New Year's Resolutions - 
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Do you like making New Year’s resolutions? But do you sometimes find yourself get stuck even before mid year? If you do, I got you.

Well, I used to love crafting mine, imagining a fresh start filled with all the positive energy. Yet, over the years, I started to acknowledge the same pattern repeated: my resolutions often turned into little more than beautifully penned aspirations in my journal, forgotten weeks later as life swept me away. Funny, though... how each year I’d tell myself, “This time will be different.” But it never was.

I don’t know how you see it, but I found myself amusing knowing that I still didn’t give up doing it. I wanted to improve myself, and I knew that I shouldn't play the broken old record. I mean... wouldn't I just be a fool: doing the same thing but expecting different results?

I turned to every piece of advice I could find. I attended seminars hosted by inspiring speakers, read every book about it, subscribed to their newsletter, and filled up all pages in their workbooks. I meticulously detailed measurable and achievable goals, just like those motivational gurus instructed. Yet, the “push” I needed never came. I kept wondering: “What's the secret?” 

For sure, I knew that the problem must be in me (well, as usual, it’s easier to blame myself). Maybe I didn’t want it strong enough, I wasn't disciplined enough, and I gave myself too many excuses, simply it was just resistance after resistance.

Until…

One day, I stumbled across an episode of Mel Robbins’ podcast. Her explanation struck a chord - just what I needed to hear. Like finding the last missing piece of a puzzle, I finally got the whole big picture of it all. There, in her talk, Mel emphasized something surprisingly simple but deeply profound:

"Before you manifest anything, you must first ask yourself one critical question: What do you really want?"

Yes, deep down inside your heart, what do you really want? Again, what do you really want? Not what you think you want. Not what society, your parents, or anyone else expects you to want. Not what you want other people to see that you have or do. But what you actually want. So, what is it that you genuinely desire?

This seemingly simple idea was revolutionary for me. It required peeling back layers of assumptions, societal norms, and external expectations. I believe this is a basic principle. In fact, this is the first thing that you have to do in manifestation. This is also, as what Mel says, one of the top reasons why people stuck in manifesting their dreams, or in this case, committing to New Year's resolutions.

Mel’s advice didn’t stop at asking the question; she encouraged going deeper, questioning the why behind the desire. That’s when the concept of (what I like to call) “five layers of why” came into play.

Also read: How God Can Be Playfully Romantic

The Five Layers of Why

Here’s how it works: Take a goal or desire and ask yourself why you want it. Then, for each answer, dig deeper with another why. By the fifth layer, you’ll often uncover the true motivation behind your wish. Let me share an example:

Goal: I want to start a blog.

1. Why do I want to start a blog? Because I want to express my thoughts and feelings and share them with the world.

2. Why do I want to express my thoughts and feelings? Putting my thoughts into words helps me untangle my mind. It helps me process lessons from life and make sense of my experiences. Sharing might also help others know they’re not alone.

3. Why is untangling my mind and sharing it with others important? It’s good for my mental health. Sharing meaningful insights might spread positive energy and support others who need it.

4. Why is this good for my mental health and important for others? Writing brings me clarity, love, and compassion. It deepens my understanding of life and my role in it. The journey that I am taking is not a popular one. Not many people choose to take this path. So, sharing my journey makes me feel like I’m not walking alone.

5. Why does this bring me clarity and connection? Perhaps it’s how I connect with God. Writing feels like a way to receive guidance, epiphanies, and answers to life’s big questions. Sharing makes me understand that we are all actually connected with one another.

By the end of this exercise, the real purpose behind my wish became clear: blogging isn’t just a creative outlet or a hobby. It’s a form of spiritual connection and a way to cultivate love and understanding for myself and others. Knowing this has helped me a lot to commit writing and religiously post an entry at least once a week in which this one atomic habit has tremendously transformed my life this year.

Also read: Is Communication Overrater? Navigating Silence, Regret, and Vulnerabillity

Your Turn to Reflect

Now, before you rush to jot down this year’s resolutions, pause. Ask yourself: “What do I truly want?” Pick one goal and explore it through the five layers of why. Allow yourself the honesty and vulnerability to dig deep.

This simple practice can:

• Uncover your true motivations: Align your goals with what genuinely matters to you.

• Strengthen your commitment: When your purpose is clear, it’s easier to stay the course.

• Infuse your goals with meaning: Instead of empty resolutions, you’ll create intentions fueled by deep, personal purpose.

The Fuel to Keep Going

When life gets busy and distractions arise, remembering your true “why” acts as both a compass and a motivator. It’s no longer about checking a box or following a trend; it’s about fulfilling a deeply rooted desire that resonates with your soul.

So, as the new year approaches, dare to ask yourself the question that matters most: What do you truly want? Start there, and let the answers guide you to resolutions that inspire and sustain you throughout the year.

Remember, it’s not about doing more; it’s about doing what truly matters—to you.